Penny, 1 week old! 6/23/2012

I've known this little girl for a week and she already has me (and Dan) wrapped around her finger. She certainly runs the schedule! New babies are known for doing very little aside from eating, pooping, and sleeping. Well, little Penny is no exception! But there are so many little things about her that make her unique and loveable. Maybe (okay, probably) she isn't as unique as I think, but this whole baby thing is new to me so give me a break. I do know for sure that her cry is her own and both Dan and I can pick it out from a room full of crying babies. Her cry isn't nearly as annoying as all the rest.

All these darling baby things about her won't last long. The way she smells has already changed, in such a short time! When we brought her home she had the sweet smell of colostrum (pre-milk; milk doesn't actually come in until a few days after birth) and new baby and I just couldn't get enough. Now my milk is in and she smells like baby and milk. I can not believe how quickly her scent changed, I thought (hoped) she would smell like that forever!

When I feed her she does this thing with her head that my mom calls The Woodpecker- she searches for my nipple by bobbing her head towards me and then jerking back a couple times until she gets her mouth in the right general area. Then she shakes her head back and forth with really small, quick movements. I know she's trying to latch, but her aim is terrible and its adorable.

When she's done feeding she pulls back with her chin up, eyes closed, and the most satisfied little pout on her face. If she doesn't  immediately fall asleep for a couple hours, she opens her eyes wide and looks around, staring mostly at the ceiling but sometimes at my face. She will wave her arms around with her long fingers extended and motioning like a sorceress. When she gets tired she sighs deeply, letting her arms suddenly drop and her back slouch on the exhale. Or, if she stays sleeping, various facial expressions chase themselves across her face. She makes the best faces, from frowning to confusion to eye rolling and everything in between. She occasionally makes little half smiles and even more occasionally big grins. I know there is no intent or response behind them yet, but her smiles are simply heart melting. Best. Thing. Ever. And that is not an exaggeration.

She holds her right hand near her face and waves her fingers, again looking like she is practicing magic. She likes to wave it around while she is nursing, and I often have to pin it down between us to get it out of the way so we can continue nursing. Her pesky right arm is constantly escaping her swaddle and frustrating Penny by stealing her pacifier, clawing her cheek, and generally making mischief. She can't learn gross motor control soon enough!

Penny has gotten used to diaper changes and no longer vigorously protests. When she is laid out to be changed she throws her head back and to one side and looks curiously around above herself, turning her head quietly back and forth while her feet kick and arms wave aimlessly. Or, since the changing table is next to the window, she will stare up at the sky with her lips pursed and her eyes wide. Some of my favorite moments are while she is being changed, because she goes into a quiet alert state and is clearly the best baby in the world.

There are a million more little habits she already has, and I adore every single one of them. I was told recently that with the first child, parents can't wait for them to hurry up and meet each milestone as they grow, but with later children they want to hold on to every moment. I must have mothered a child in a past life, because I don't want Penny to get big and start crawling! I think I'd be happy if she stayed this little and sweet and cuddly for a long time. Her clothes are all too big (we avoided getting newborn sizes as much as possible) and she looks adorable in them, I like being able to put her down for a moment and know she isn't going anywhere, and snuggling with a newborn makes the world an infinitely better place. We made a perfect baby, and I want to enjoy her tiny perfection as long as possible.

Baby Lego has been born! 6/15/2012

Penelope Ruth 

Friday, June 15th 2012

1:08 pm

8 pounds 1 ounce

(3.66 kilograms)

20 inches (50.8 cm)

Due date! Still pregnant, 40 weeks

The official arbitrary date given for my baby's estimated arrival is finally here!

There were times it seemed like today would never come. But now that it's here, I'm wondering how it snuck up on me so quickly!

I'm still here, still pregnant. I promise, I will share the exciting news when I have some exciting news to share.

While you wait on the edge of your seats for my good news, click this link. This video was shot after the couple had been trying to get pregnant for 2.5 years, and now they are finally expecting. The Dad's reaction is priceless!

At least two, maybe three of the eight babies in our group appointments have been born. We still have one more group prenatal appointment, and the babies who have been born already will be used to demonstrate things like swaddling for the rest of the group who is still expecting. I am hoping that my baby will be one of those demo babies! So far, no signs of that happening. Sigh. I do think it would be funny to bring my baby to a prenatal appointment, but it's Monday now and the appointment is Thursday. If I don't go into labor by tomorrow, chances are I will either still be in the hospital with the baby or still be pregnant by Thursday's appointment.

I still want Lego to take her time and arrive when she's ready, I just really, really hope that she is ready really, really soon! I've reached that point where I'm so very ready to not be pregnant any more. New aches and pains have been popping up during the last week and this whole experience is becoming a lot less enjoyable as a result. I'm quickly learning why so many women complain so much about the last little bit of pregnancy. The rest of this post will be more complaining.

They call it "lightening" when the baby drops. I do not feel lighter. I do not feel more comfortable. I do not have more room to eat or breathe. They say many women experience relief because the baby puts less pressure on their ribs and diaphragm.  This is just not the case. I feel more awkward and waddley, my ribs are being poked at just as much as they ever were, and now my pelvis is getting poked in places I'm pretty sure the baby isn't supposed to physically be able to reach. She was trying to give me a hip massage a couple days ago, I swear.

If you've never been pregnant (or if you have but have no idea what I'm talking about), push your knuckles into the bend of one of your hips. This works best when you're seated (legs relaxed) and not wearing pants. You should be able to feel some tendons and the ridge called the iliac crest in there and give yourself a mini massage. If you're anything like me, it feels kind of good. Now, imagine that sensation coming from somewhere in your pelvis and being applied to the inner side of the hip joint. It isn't the same as someone massaging your groin muscles so don't bother going there. It felt very much like the baby was trying to get her little fists in between the ball and the socket, and it wasn't nearly as pleasurable as an actual massage! Don't try to tell me that that isn't anatomically possible. Logic doesn't work on a pregnant woman.

Fecal matters, 39 weeks 4 days

Overheard earlier this week in the grocery store; (mom to small child) "You have to go a little longer without talking about poop first, then you can have one".

I can't wait to have conversations like that of my own. Except, knowing me, I will be swapping bathroom stories with my kids and Dan will be the one trying to discourage excessive poop talk in public.

Ticking time bomb, 39 weeks 1 day

It's more than time for another update. I guess as pregnancy has advanced, my inspiration has petered out. Or maybe it's just my energy level that has petered out. Whew! This baby is getting heavy, and definitely NOT more comfortable than when I last wrote. Turns out, carrying a 5-7lb person in your abdomen 24/7 wears a lady out!

The newest developments on the physical front include the baby moving and stretching inward and downward into my guts, instead of mostly outward. This inward movement causes new levels of discomfort like I never imagined! I don't really want to get all complainy here, but I really thought internal organs weren't supposed to have nerves to be able to feel that! I'm pretty sure this baby quite literally kicks the crap out of me sometimes. I just hope I don't develop any internal bleeding. That doesn't happen, right? I mean, women's bodies are designed to withstand their ninja babies' antics, or else the human race would have died out a long time ago. So, I'll be fine. I just need to keep reminding myself that.

The movements are always getting bigger, and it is seriously nuts to see the shape of my stomach change so drastically. The ripples and corners that appear and disappear at random look like something out of a freaky science fiction story. Weird, weird, weird. But awesome. I love watching her squirm around in there, it is so fascinating. I was aware that the movements would get strong enough to see, but I had no idea it would look this dramatic. I seriously need to get a video before it's too late!

The fetal hiccups I was warned about seem to happen mostly in the evening when I've gone to bed or am snuggled up on the couch, and they are kind of annoying. I guess it's similar to when I have hiccups- I'm never exactly sure when then next one is coming but I'm pretty sure it is, and that makes it really hard to relax or concentrate on anything else.

Confession: The other day while I was sorting and putting away baby clothes (thanks again, Aunt Bev and Allison!), I teared up a little. The mental image of my brand new and completely perfect little person wearing one of those tiny adorable outfits was just too much for me! The socks are unreasonably small. There is no excuse for a person to be small enough to fit into one of those. It's unreal. In 3 weeks or less there will be a tiny person here having her tiny feet fit into those ridiculous socks. Well, at least those feet won't be doing me any more internal damage then! On one hand, I'm really excited to meet her and hold her and it feels like torture to have had to wait SO LONG and be so close and yet so far away from the actual time of her arrival. On the other hand, despite the discomfort and complaints, I've gotten used to her and to being pregnant. I don't feel the need to get her out ASAP, I feel like I can keep this up for a while and there is no rush. I want her to be good and ready to make her appearance, and as thrilled as I will be to have me back to myself, I don't mind her waiting around for a while longer. The only caveat is please please please, Lego, come out on your own before the 42 week mark so we don't have to discuss induction!

People get surprised when we discuss my plan to forgo pain medication, especially when I tell them I'm not worried about labor. Well, younger people anyway. Most of my elderly clients didn't have much in the way of pain relief options so they're less impressed. It surprises me a little bit how engrained in our modern cultural mindset it is that labor in an intolerably painful experience that is only made endurable by the grace of modern medicine. People who choose to go that route have every right and while I encourage them to read, take classes, and educate themselves, I respect that they make the choices that are right for them. I wrote about birthing and labor in a previous post and don't want to go into it much here, but for me I'm really not worried about it. I don't expect it to be a cakewalk, but I have come to a place where I am very confident in my ability to give birth. Any pain I experience will be tolerable and I'm not afraid of it. My only concern is that I will not maintain my confidence and resolve throughout labor. I am absolutely certain I can do it, I'm less certain that I will still believe that while I'm actually doing it. Fortunately, I feel good about my choice of birthplace and birth partner and I trust them to give me the support I need. I'd like to have a doula, but they are very expensive and I just can't justify the out of pocket cost right now. I have been meaning to look into finding one who is in training and willing to come to my birth for free or very cheap to help her get the required experience for certification, but I keep forgetting. Maybe I will get to that before labor starts...

Dan's been a little jumpy for the last week or two. Every time I complain about my poor pulverized guts or say his name with any sort of emotional inflection (really, what pregnant lady isn't emotional?), he's pretty sure I'm about to tell him to go start the car and get me to the hospital. I don't scare him on purpose, but I have to admit that it's amusing! I am glad he has started keeping his phone on him while he is at work, though. It's nice to know he is now reachable if I need him and I won't have to wait until he is on break to be able to get ahold of him. Especially since he now has the car while he is there!

Technically I have been full term for 2 weeks now, since at 37 weeks babies are no longer considered premature. It feels surreal that the countdown to my estimated due date is now measured in days, not weeks. I finally stopped working after I finished my shift last friday, and now we are just playing the waiting game!