Friday, August 24, 2012
Things no one tells you about breastfeeding
Mysterious scratches will appear on your chest and torso. I have got to keep this child's nails shorter.
Monday, August 20, 2012
2 months old (8/15/2012)
My how time flies! That may be a cliche, but it is oh so true.
She still seems so new and little, but at the same time she is so much bigger and stronger than she was even just a week or two ago. I find myself marveling about how long she has gotten and how big she is now, and then an hour later catching a glimpse in the mirror of her in my arms and thinking about how tiny she is. Her newborn clothes don't really fit anymore, though we can still stretch the newborn onsies over her body so she can wear them. The larger sized onsies are still loose and a little long in the torso. Her 0-3 month sleepers are getting too short, but a lot of them aren't too much too baggy anymore. Just as she is filling out her smaller sleepers she will be switching to the 3-6 month sleepers, it seems she really did get her dad's long and lean build! Her adorable 3 month sized outfits fit pretty well, if a little on the loose side. Regardless of the fit, it's fun dressing her up. In a post from just before Penny was born I mentioned how unreasonably small baby socks are, and said it is just silly that any person's foot should fit in them. Well, her feet don't. Baby socks are short and wide, but our baby's feet are long and thin. I foresee a lifetime of frustration when it comes to clothes shopping, poor baby.
Smiles abound these days. Penny greets me with a smile every time she wakes up from having slept enough rather than from being hungry. I can tell when hunger wakes her up because she starts rooting and fussing in her sleep. She smiles at us on the changing table (still loves diaper changes) smiles when we imitate her coos back to her. When we go out and strangers gush over her, she ponders them for a couple minutes before offering the new person a gummy grin. She also smiles at her dangling toys every day, and when I hung a bright alphabet quilt on the wall she smiled at it every time she noticed it for the first 3 days. Such a friendly baby!
She likes going out. She stares around with her eyes all big and looks continually amazed. One of the surest ways to calm a fussy Penny is to go outside and walk around. She also likes to stand up and look at the world. She supports pretty much all of her own weight these days, but has no sense of balance at all of course. When her legs get tired she likes to sit, but again has no balance and will topple if she isn't supported. Her head control is pretty good, she is getting less and less wobbly. She is starting to bat at things a little, and when her little hand makes contact her eyes get big with surprise or amazement. She is cooing and gurgling more and more often and with greater volume. She has been working on a laugh, but hasn't perfected that ability quite yet. Every now and then she will start with a new sound rather suddenly, often startling the dog who then stares at her with concern for several minutes. He is becoming used to her, but still hasn't quite decided what to do about her. It's cute.
The other day I was cooking dinner and Dan was changing Penny. He took the opportunity to coo and talk to her while she sucked her fingers and watched her. As he told it, she seemed to be in a good mood when suddenly out of nowhere she stiffened, flung both her arms out to the sides and started screaming bloody murder! After several minutes of listening to her inconsolable screaming I went in to see what was the matter. As far as we can tell, she bit herself. After she calmed down we had to chuckle about that. Silly baby.
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| Dozing with a full belly |
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| Greeting her dangly friends |
She likes going out. She stares around with her eyes all big and looks continually amazed. One of the surest ways to calm a fussy Penny is to go outside and walk around. She also likes to stand up and look at the world. She supports pretty much all of her own weight these days, but has no sense of balance at all of course. When her legs get tired she likes to sit, but again has no balance and will topple if she isn't supported. Her head control is pretty good, she is getting less and less wobbly. She is starting to bat at things a little, and when her little hand makes contact her eyes get big with surprise or amazement. She is cooing and gurgling more and more often and with greater volume. She has been working on a laugh, but hasn't perfected that ability quite yet. Every now and then she will start with a new sound rather suddenly, often startling the dog who then stares at her with concern for several minutes. He is becoming used to her, but still hasn't quite decided what to do about her. It's cute.The other day I was cooking dinner and Dan was changing Penny. He took the opportunity to coo and talk to her while she sucked her fingers and watched her. As he told it, she seemed to be in a good mood when suddenly out of nowhere she stiffened, flung both her arms out to the sides and started screaming bloody murder! After several minutes of listening to her inconsolable screaming I went in to see what was the matter. As far as we can tell, she bit herself. After she calmed down we had to chuckle about that. Silly baby.
Wednesday, August 8, 2012
Birth Story
I didn't have the completely natural birth I was so adamant about having. If I ever give birth again, I will go into it more prepared and have a better idea what to expect, as will Dan. Perhaps we will be in a better position to afford a doula's services. I still know I can do it all natural; I did most of it this time around and would have kept going if things had been a little different. I do feel a little disappointed in myself, but I'm not sad, traumatized, or sorry about the way things turned out. In the moment I did what I felt I needed, and it was the right thing for us.
Three days after my due date, I started having contractions. We had our final prenatal group appointment Thursday afternoon, during which I noticed a few irregular contractions. They were stronger than the braxton-hicks contractions I'd had before, but still not very strong so I didn't say anything. We went home and made dinner, and just after I'd finished the contractions got stronger and more regular. "Great!" I thought, "they say you should eat something when labor begins, I am so on top of that"! Not long afterwards, I threw up. Maybe fajitas aren't the best early labor food.
I put on a movie to help distract me from the contractions for a while. It was the first in the Harry Potter series, which my mom (who had arrived in town a couple days earlier) had never seen. This is relevant because in the 3 days during which the baby didn't have a name, my mom dubbed her "She Who Must Not Be Named".
Labor came on strong and fast, and I soon found that I couldn't sit still or pay attention to the movie. I started pacing. Eventually I ran a hot bath and got in. I was having back labor, and during every contraction I had Dan push hard on my sacrum to counter the pressure. I lost track of time pretty much completely, but after a couple hours I felt like it was time to go to the hospital. Dan called ahead, but since it was my first pregnancy and I'd only been having regular contractions for a couple hours they said we should wait before coming in. An hour later I made him call again, because things were getting really intense and I wasn't sure how I would tolerate a ride in the car with back labor I was still experiencing, which made sitting very uncomfortable. This time they heard me hollering in the background and told us to come on in. I think this was around 10 or 11 at night.
We got in to the parking garage and parked near the sky bridge before realizing it was closed for the night. So we had to walk down 3 flights of stairs and cross the street to enter the Emergency Room entrance. The lady at the desk escorted us up to the maternity ward, she was less than pleased. She seemed annoyed that I didn't want to sit in the wheelchair she brought, but reluctantly agreed to let me push it and lean on it instead. She was very impatient, I had a really hard time walking through the contractions but she didn't want to let me pause for anything. I think it's safe to say that no one liked her.
We arrived in the maternity ward and I nearly fell out of the elevator onto my hands and knees feeling like I was about to throw up again. A few deep breaths and my stomach stabilized without expelling any more of it's contents. The nurses who met us there were kind and understanding. They didn't rush me or push me and they got rid of Ms. Impatient immediately, to my relief. I don't know how long it took to get me all checked in, but after a while they checked me and were impressed that I was 6cm dilated. Then they ran water in their tub for me to get in. It seemed like forever until the tub was finally full, but finally I was able to get in.
All this time I was still having back labor and having Dan push hard on my sacrum during contractions. He was great, trying to do everything he could to help me. From the beginning he had been helping coach me using techniques we had discussed before hand. As it got later and he got more tired, he got quieter, but I didn't notice as I got deeper and deeper into "laborland" and became less and less aware of my surroundings. I never felt like I couldn't do it, like I needed to stop. I don't know how long I was in the tub, but eventually I got out and was checked again. 8cm! I felt good. I was getting tired (and so was Dan) but we only had 2 more centimeters left and I was confident that it would all be over soon enough. So I continued laboring in the room, pacing, jiggling my hips (apparently this made one of the nurses giggle, as she had never seen anyone do that during labor before), and having Dan push on my sacrum. My water broke while I was standing at the end of the bed, and splashed on the floor. Later I sat on a stool for a few contractions, and when I got up there was another big puddle of fluid. Eventually, despite being near exhaustion, I was feeling ready to push, and asked them to check me again.
Devastation. Somehow, I was back down to 6cm. I think it was around 5 or 6am at that point, and Dan had been up for about 24 hours. I'd had only a couple more hours sleep than him. I'd been in labor for at least 10 hours, with intense back labor the whole time. Now I felt that I was being told that I had to start over from where I was at the beginning of the night, and was facing another 8-10 hours before it would be time to push. I had been so sure I was now at 9 or 10 cm. I lost it. I cried. I couldn't start over like that. I couldn't do it, I didn't have that kind of stamina. I needed a break. I needed rest. I couldn't believe I was back down to 6. I was offered a shot containing pain killer that would take the edge off for an hour or so and might allow me to rest and get some energy back, and I agreed to try it.
The medicine helped a little, but it felt like only a few minutes later that the contractions were back in full force, and I did not feel rested or reenergized. I still felt devastated and exhausted. I asked for an epidural. My birth plan, which the hospital had on file, stated that I wanted a natural birth and did not want to be offered medication or an epidural. I give the staff credit because they asked me several times if I was really sure, and offered to try another dose of the pain killer I'd already had. I never felt pressured to get any type of painkiller, which is something I have heard that others who give birth in hospitals experience. Everything was my choice. I got an epidural. And I was finally able to relax. Poor Dan seemed hugely relieved. Hugely relieved is probably an understatement. He got to rest, too.
My mom, who had been in the room with us the whole time, went home to take care of the dog and get some rest herself. We napped for about 4 hours, I think. It was wonderful. I woke up feeling much better, ready to start over at the beginning of 10 more hours of labor if need be. I was checked once more, and hallelujah, 10cm! I wanted to be able to feel everything again, and had them turn the epidural way down. I wanted it out, I was feeling confident and great again and wanted to finish on my own. For me, the epidural got stronger closer to my feet. As the strength from my nap wore off, I could feel my contractions again quite well, part way down my thighs my legs felt tingly, and I couldn't feel my lower legs or feet at all. I also couldn't really move my legs, which I did not like. But I could feel the contractions with growing intensity, so I was satisfied that I would be able to push adequately. Later, as the epidural was being removed, the nurse made a surprised comment about how low it was. My mom arrived back at the hospital right as I was getting ready to call her and tell her it was time to push, great timing!
I pushed for 2-2 1/2 hours. It didn't feel all that long to me. They helped me get into a supported squat position for pushing. I guess that position was pretty effective, but after a while I had to move. My sacrum felt bruised from being pushed on so hard all night! They helped me onto my side, which was much better. My contractions were coming fairly far apart, but they were long and strong and I was able to get 4-6 pushes in during each one. The nurses said that the norm is about 3 pushes for each contraction. The midwife came in to prepare for delivery. It was the same midwife who had done our first prenatal appointment to confirm the pregnancy! I like her, and I like the way it came full circle with her delivering my little girl as well. They set up a mirror so that I could see the head beginning to crown. It was slow going they told me, because my pelvic muscles are very strong and tight. Strong pelvic muscles are good, they help you give birth more easily. Most of the time. But my pelvic muscles were tight and hindering progress, pushing the baby back up in between contractions. Because I was so tight, the midwife had both her hands stretching me to make room for the baby. She assured me that while I was tight, I was also strong and the baby was tolerating labor beautifully. I would give birth vaginally.
Someone came in to get the midwife. A woman in a different room was about to deliver, and the midwife hurried away and left me to continue with the help of my nurse. Eventually, she was ready to come. The nurse rushed off to get the midwife. There was meconium (newborn poo) and because of concern about the baby inhaling it, they planned to pull her out all at once. The baby coming down was the most intense feeling I had had yet, so I squeezed my eyes my eyes shut and pushed with everything I had. Suddenly, there were exclamations and I sensed a new kind of activity. Something about a baby. What? What baby? I opened my eyes, shocked to see the tiny person now resting on my abdomen. She was so... purple.
I was stunned. I didn't know if I wanted to laugh or cry. I wasn't sure this was even my baby. My baby wasn't purple, was she? Dan and I aren't purple. We checked, she was definitely still a girl. The cord stopped pulsing, Dan cut it. She was placed on my chest still yelling, but quickly calmed down. Gradually, oh so gradually, she stopped being purple. Ohmygodmybaby. Mybabymybabyohmygodbaby. Dan was there, by my head. Dan was always there, bless him. The midwife tugged on the cord to encourage the placenta to come, but the cord broke off. She had to reach in to get the placenta, which was almost as intense as giving birth had been. I yelled. The baby yelled. The baby. Ohmygodbabyohmygod. I was stitched up. There was some superficial tearing, only skin and not muscle. 6 stitches. There was the baby. Skin to skin contact. Baby. We tried breastfeeding after a while, but didn't get a good latch. We rested. The baby was taken, cleaned up, tagged, and swaddled. Her dad held her. My mom held her. I realized I was hungry and ordered food. I don't remember what I had, but it was absolutely delicious.
Three days after my due date, I started having contractions. We had our final prenatal group appointment Thursday afternoon, during which I noticed a few irregular contractions. They were stronger than the braxton-hicks contractions I'd had before, but still not very strong so I didn't say anything. We went home and made dinner, and just after I'd finished the contractions got stronger and more regular. "Great!" I thought, "they say you should eat something when labor begins, I am so on top of that"! Not long afterwards, I threw up. Maybe fajitas aren't the best early labor food.
I put on a movie to help distract me from the contractions for a while. It was the first in the Harry Potter series, which my mom (who had arrived in town a couple days earlier) had never seen. This is relevant because in the 3 days during which the baby didn't have a name, my mom dubbed her "She Who Must Not Be Named".
Labor came on strong and fast, and I soon found that I couldn't sit still or pay attention to the movie. I started pacing. Eventually I ran a hot bath and got in. I was having back labor, and during every contraction I had Dan push hard on my sacrum to counter the pressure. I lost track of time pretty much completely, but after a couple hours I felt like it was time to go to the hospital. Dan called ahead, but since it was my first pregnancy and I'd only been having regular contractions for a couple hours they said we should wait before coming in. An hour later I made him call again, because things were getting really intense and I wasn't sure how I would tolerate a ride in the car with back labor I was still experiencing, which made sitting very uncomfortable. This time they heard me hollering in the background and told us to come on in. I think this was around 10 or 11 at night.
We got in to the parking garage and parked near the sky bridge before realizing it was closed for the night. So we had to walk down 3 flights of stairs and cross the street to enter the Emergency Room entrance. The lady at the desk escorted us up to the maternity ward, she was less than pleased. She seemed annoyed that I didn't want to sit in the wheelchair she brought, but reluctantly agreed to let me push it and lean on it instead. She was very impatient, I had a really hard time walking through the contractions but she didn't want to let me pause for anything. I think it's safe to say that no one liked her.
We arrived in the maternity ward and I nearly fell out of the elevator onto my hands and knees feeling like I was about to throw up again. A few deep breaths and my stomach stabilized without expelling any more of it's contents. The nurses who met us there were kind and understanding. They didn't rush me or push me and they got rid of Ms. Impatient immediately, to my relief. I don't know how long it took to get me all checked in, but after a while they checked me and were impressed that I was 6cm dilated. Then they ran water in their tub for me to get in. It seemed like forever until the tub was finally full, but finally I was able to get in.
All this time I was still having back labor and having Dan push hard on my sacrum during contractions. He was great, trying to do everything he could to help me. From the beginning he had been helping coach me using techniques we had discussed before hand. As it got later and he got more tired, he got quieter, but I didn't notice as I got deeper and deeper into "laborland" and became less and less aware of my surroundings. I never felt like I couldn't do it, like I needed to stop. I don't know how long I was in the tub, but eventually I got out and was checked again. 8cm! I felt good. I was getting tired (and so was Dan) but we only had 2 more centimeters left and I was confident that it would all be over soon enough. So I continued laboring in the room, pacing, jiggling my hips (apparently this made one of the nurses giggle, as she had never seen anyone do that during labor before), and having Dan push on my sacrum. My water broke while I was standing at the end of the bed, and splashed on the floor. Later I sat on a stool for a few contractions, and when I got up there was another big puddle of fluid. Eventually, despite being near exhaustion, I was feeling ready to push, and asked them to check me again.
Devastation. Somehow, I was back down to 6cm. I think it was around 5 or 6am at that point, and Dan had been up for about 24 hours. I'd had only a couple more hours sleep than him. I'd been in labor for at least 10 hours, with intense back labor the whole time. Now I felt that I was being told that I had to start over from where I was at the beginning of the night, and was facing another 8-10 hours before it would be time to push. I had been so sure I was now at 9 or 10 cm. I lost it. I cried. I couldn't start over like that. I couldn't do it, I didn't have that kind of stamina. I needed a break. I needed rest. I couldn't believe I was back down to 6. I was offered a shot containing pain killer that would take the edge off for an hour or so and might allow me to rest and get some energy back, and I agreed to try it.
The medicine helped a little, but it felt like only a few minutes later that the contractions were back in full force, and I did not feel rested or reenergized. I still felt devastated and exhausted. I asked for an epidural. My birth plan, which the hospital had on file, stated that I wanted a natural birth and did not want to be offered medication or an epidural. I give the staff credit because they asked me several times if I was really sure, and offered to try another dose of the pain killer I'd already had. I never felt pressured to get any type of painkiller, which is something I have heard that others who give birth in hospitals experience. Everything was my choice. I got an epidural. And I was finally able to relax. Poor Dan seemed hugely relieved. Hugely relieved is probably an understatement. He got to rest, too.
My mom, who had been in the room with us the whole time, went home to take care of the dog and get some rest herself. We napped for about 4 hours, I think. It was wonderful. I woke up feeling much better, ready to start over at the beginning of 10 more hours of labor if need be. I was checked once more, and hallelujah, 10cm! I wanted to be able to feel everything again, and had them turn the epidural way down. I wanted it out, I was feeling confident and great again and wanted to finish on my own. For me, the epidural got stronger closer to my feet. As the strength from my nap wore off, I could feel my contractions again quite well, part way down my thighs my legs felt tingly, and I couldn't feel my lower legs or feet at all. I also couldn't really move my legs, which I did not like. But I could feel the contractions with growing intensity, so I was satisfied that I would be able to push adequately. Later, as the epidural was being removed, the nurse made a surprised comment about how low it was. My mom arrived back at the hospital right as I was getting ready to call her and tell her it was time to push, great timing!
I pushed for 2-2 1/2 hours. It didn't feel all that long to me. They helped me get into a supported squat position for pushing. I guess that position was pretty effective, but after a while I had to move. My sacrum felt bruised from being pushed on so hard all night! They helped me onto my side, which was much better. My contractions were coming fairly far apart, but they were long and strong and I was able to get 4-6 pushes in during each one. The nurses said that the norm is about 3 pushes for each contraction. The midwife came in to prepare for delivery. It was the same midwife who had done our first prenatal appointment to confirm the pregnancy! I like her, and I like the way it came full circle with her delivering my little girl as well. They set up a mirror so that I could see the head beginning to crown. It was slow going they told me, because my pelvic muscles are very strong and tight. Strong pelvic muscles are good, they help you give birth more easily. Most of the time. But my pelvic muscles were tight and hindering progress, pushing the baby back up in between contractions. Because I was so tight, the midwife had both her hands stretching me to make room for the baby. She assured me that while I was tight, I was also strong and the baby was tolerating labor beautifully. I would give birth vaginally.
Someone came in to get the midwife. A woman in a different room was about to deliver, and the midwife hurried away and left me to continue with the help of my nurse. Eventually, she was ready to come. The nurse rushed off to get the midwife. There was meconium (newborn poo) and because of concern about the baby inhaling it, they planned to pull her out all at once. The baby coming down was the most intense feeling I had had yet, so I squeezed my eyes my eyes shut and pushed with everything I had. Suddenly, there were exclamations and I sensed a new kind of activity. Something about a baby. What? What baby? I opened my eyes, shocked to see the tiny person now resting on my abdomen. She was so... purple.
I was stunned. I didn't know if I wanted to laugh or cry. I wasn't sure this was even my baby. My baby wasn't purple, was she? Dan and I aren't purple. We checked, she was definitely still a girl. The cord stopped pulsing, Dan cut it. She was placed on my chest still yelling, but quickly calmed down. Gradually, oh so gradually, she stopped being purple. Ohmygodmybaby. Mybabymybabyohmygodbaby. Dan was there, by my head. Dan was always there, bless him. The midwife tugged on the cord to encourage the placenta to come, but the cord broke off. She had to reach in to get the placenta, which was almost as intense as giving birth had been. I yelled. The baby yelled. The baby. Ohmygodbabyohmygod. I was stitched up. There was some superficial tearing, only skin and not muscle. 6 stitches. There was the baby. Skin to skin contact. Baby. We tried breastfeeding after a while, but didn't get a good latch. We rested. The baby was taken, cleaned up, tagged, and swaddled. Her dad held her. My mom held her. I realized I was hungry and ordered food. I don't remember what I had, but it was absolutely delicious.
Monday, August 6, 2012
Babies are Fun
Dan- "I'm going to go clean the spit-up from inside of my belly button".
Penny (looking pleased with herself)- "Agoo eugh"!
Penny (looking pleased with herself)- "Agoo eugh"!
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