Hey look, I actually wrote a post on the day I posted it!
First, a quick update. I talked to the nurse at Swedish Midwifery, and she said the midwives are not changing my due date, despite what the ultrasound said. She said that the original due date according to the midwives is June 11th and we are going to stick with that date. The primary care clinic I originally went to gave me a due date of June 15th which I mentioned to the midwives, so it would have been nice if they had told me that that wasn't accurate while I was at the clinic. Okay, so I know that the date is just a rough guess and that as a first time mom I can pretty much expect to carry past my due date, which I'm not too worried about.
What does concern me is that doctors don't usually allow women to stay pregnant longer than 2 weeks past their due date, and when a women nears the two week late mark they schedule an induction. This is, perhaps, irrational but I really, really don't want to have artificially induced labor. I have several reasons for this, and if it ends up being the best way to bring the baby safely and healthily into the world then of course we will go that way. But if you think I'm crazy, watch the documentary "The Business of Being Born". For the record, I haven't just based all my ideas of how I want my birth experience to be on the content of that documentary.
My official due date could be the difference between the natural birth I am hoping for, and medically induced labor which would vastly increase the possibility of a C-section. So, I'm happy that my due date has not officially changed to June 5th.
Okay, on to the original intent of this post!
Someone has already brought up the subject of a baby shower. Yikes! She was hoping to be able to throw me a small one while I'm in Wisconsin in January, since that is the only time before the baby comes that we will see each other. I think that is super sweet and I love that she is so thoughtful, but that means I have to start thinking about a registry now! Ahh!
I turned to the trusty google search for ideas, and was quickly overwhelmed. So now I'm turning to my friends. If you or someone you love has had a baby recently, please help! What do I need to be prepared for Lego? What did/do you have that you couldn't live without, and what did you find that you didn't/don't need? Which baby carrier or sling do you love, have you found any of them disappointing? Baby bathtub, yay or nay? Changing table? High chair? Boppy (not sure I even fully understand what exactly this is for yet)? Breast pump (yes I want to breast feed)? What about a co-sleeper vs. crib vs. cradle/bassinet? I haven't even started looking at car seats or strollers, and truthfully I'm scared to. What about something like a baby swing or bouncy chair? Input, please!! Anything and everything you can share about this would be wonderful. Thanks in advance to all you wonderful people!
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Friday, December 2, 2011
First Appointment -11/16/2011 10 weeks 2 days
The midwife intern feels around my abdomen, but is unable to detect my uterus. She is also unable to find the heartbeat with the fetal heart monitor pressed just above my pubic bone. I can't help but feel a little concerned, but force myself to stay calm.
She needs to an internal exam to find my uterus. I hold my breath as she feels around for what seems like 5 minutes, but Dan later says is just a couple seconds. Panic starts to set in. Suddenly I am certain that all the tests were wrong. I'm not really pregnant after all.
Then, at last, her face -which I have been intently staring into- breaks into a huge grin.
"There's a baby in there"! She exclaims gleefully.
Relief washes over me in a big wave, and I grin back. There's a baby in there.
She needs to an internal exam to find my uterus. I hold my breath as she feels around for what seems like 5 minutes, but Dan later says is just a couple seconds. Panic starts to set in. Suddenly I am certain that all the tests were wrong. I'm not really pregnant after all.
Then, at last, her face -which I have been intently staring into- breaks into a huge grin.
"There's a baby in there"! She exclaims gleefully.
Relief washes over me in a big wave, and I grin back. There's a baby in there.
Frog Prince Lego -11/30/2011 12 Weeks
I have a pretty good feeling that most of my posts will be back dated in the title. I value my time away from the computer too much to sit here and figure out if I can just change the date on the post, and I really don't find sitting in front of the computer conducive to reflection or over-sharing. So I guess I'm destined to be more of a transcriber. Get used to this.
Ultrasound today. As I mentioned, I really haven't been feeling much in the way of pregnant lately, so I was looking forward to today's appointment.
It was breathtaking! Little Lego was squirming and kicking like a champ. We sure have an active little junebug! Lego has a nice heartbeat and a good looking spine. We were able to count 5 fingers on at least one hand see the long legs stretching and kicking. Dan said it's already got his legs! We even got to see some thumb sucking, which was simply heart melting.
It was amazing to see how active Lego is. I can't feel anything yet, and even though all the reading material that discusses how far developed the baby is says it is really active by now, there is a huge a difference between knowing it from a book and actually getting to see it. We both commented about how great it would have been if we had been able to get a video. We were given a CD of still pictures though, so that is fun! They are mostly profile shots, but we also got a couple of the legs and a couple face on. The face on ones look not quite human! Lego needs to do some more developing before it will be truly cute because right now it looks like a little alien or frog. The profile shots definitely show a baby though. And even I can see that! No more blob for us!
As I suspected might happen, things definitely feel a bit more real now. It's nice to know that even though I'm feeling pretty "normal" these days, Lego is doing just fine. I believe the ultrasound tech's exact words were "Your baby looks perfect". I'm so glad she put it that way! She also said that Lego is measuring at 13 weeks 1 day, just over a week ahead of where we thought I was, and the estimated due date was calculated as June 5th instead of June 15th. I haven't been able to call the midwives yet and find out what that means, but I may be a bit further along than we initially thought. My next appointment isn't until after Christmas, so I will definitely be calling with questions soon!
Ultrasound today. As I mentioned, I really haven't been feeling much in the way of pregnant lately, so I was looking forward to today's appointment.
It was breathtaking! Little Lego was squirming and kicking like a champ. We sure have an active little junebug! Lego has a nice heartbeat and a good looking spine. We were able to count 5 fingers on at least one hand see the long legs stretching and kicking. Dan said it's already got his legs! We even got to see some thumb sucking, which was simply heart melting.
It was amazing to see how active Lego is. I can't feel anything yet, and even though all the reading material that discusses how far developed the baby is says it is really active by now, there is a huge a difference between knowing it from a book and actually getting to see it. We both commented about how great it would have been if we had been able to get a video. We were given a CD of still pictures though, so that is fun! They are mostly profile shots, but we also got a couple of the legs and a couple face on. The face on ones look not quite human! Lego needs to do some more developing before it will be truly cute because right now it looks like a little alien or frog. The profile shots definitely show a baby though. And even I can see that! No more blob for us!
As I suspected might happen, things definitely feel a bit more real now. It's nice to know that even though I'm feeling pretty "normal" these days, Lego is doing just fine. I believe the ultrasound tech's exact words were "Your baby looks perfect". I'm so glad she put it that way! She also said that Lego is measuring at 13 weeks 1 day, just over a week ahead of where we thought I was, and the estimated due date was calculated as June 5th instead of June 15th. I haven't been able to call the midwives yet and find out what that means, but I may be a bit further along than we initially thought. My next appointment isn't until after Christmas, so I will definitely be calling with questions soon!
Thursday, December 1, 2011
Fear and Amazement -11 weeks, 2 days 11/25/2011
I wrote a couple, uh, entries(?) already but since I don't spend much actual time on the computer didn't post them right away. Hence the back dated title.
So far, this pregnancy thing doesn't really seem real. Some part of me doesn't believe that it will last, or that in less than a year there will be a real, live, actual baby in my arms. Or that much sooner than that I will be kicked firmly in the ribs by a living creature that is INSIDE MY BODY. Freaky. I can't believe this is happening. To ME.
Now that morning sickness has mostly passed and I'm still not showing, there isn't noticeable proof of a baby in me. The morning sickness was almost a comfort, because it was proof. I've had one appointment so far with the Certified Nurse-Midwives at Swedish Ballard, during which the not-trained-as-an-ultrasound-tech midwifery intern did a quick ultrasound scan and gave us a single printout of something that we are told is a picture of our baby (truthfully, I don't see it) so we do have that. But that doesn't mean that nothing has changed since then. Horror stories of women having their next ultrasound and the heartbeat having disappeared are shoved to the back of my mind to be reviewed during one my weaker moments when I momentarily succumb to the tiny, terrified part of me that is convinced this isn't for real. My next, for real ultrasound performed by a real ultrasound tech, is next week. Maybe after that this will all seem real. And lasting.
It's silly, really. I have no reason to think anything could be wrong and so far I am considered to be at a very low risk for any complications in the pregnancy or with the baby. But the truth is, that tiny part of me rears it's ugly head now and then and I AM afraid. Not just of imminent miscarriage (a phrase I no longer allow myself to google), but of pregnancy itself. I'm afraid of losing control over my body and appetite and experiencing rampant uncontrollable weight gain, while leaking various fluids all over my clothes. I'm afraid of swelling to enormous proportions and being unable to bend over to put my pants on or to fit my engorged feet into anything other than flip flops. I'm afraid of feeling fat, lumbering, and ugly for months on end. The sheer length of pregnancy unnerves me a little- the next 7 or so months stretch ominously before me, full of the mysterious boogeymen of angry red stretch marks appearing suddenly all over my body, of insatiable ravenous hunger, and of Pregnancy Brain causing me to make terrible mistakes like forgetting to show up at work or leaving the stove on and burning down the whole building.
Wow. Take a deep breath and calm down, Kelsey.
I'm really not THAT bad. I'm really not driving myself and Dan to the very brink of sanity with my incessant worry. Okay, so I have some concerns but the truth is they don't actually take up that much of my time.
One thing I'm weirdly not afraid of (so far) is the actual birth itself. I anticipate a healthy, normal birth and I know my body will be able to do it's job when the time comes. I guess I may be a little apprehensive, cause no one likes pain and I want to go natural if I can, but I have a lot of faith in my ability to give birth. My body was made to do it. I trust that if I relax and let my body do it's thing, me and the baby will come through labor and delivery just fine. It comforts me to remember that women have been laboring and birthing for thousands and thousands of years without pain meds or modern intervention, and most of them did fine. I have all that history, plus the benefit of modern medicine on my side. If all those women could do it, so can I.
The real, absolute truth is, I am THRILLED to be pregnant! I absolutely LOVE that I am growing a future person. I feel lovely, lucky, and blessed every day. I feel so proud and lucky to be a woman, capable of this amazing beautiful thing. I know (with my rational mind) that 9 months are little more than a blip in my life, they will fly by and all too soon this phase will end. I'm amazed by this whole process. I'm so curious about this wondrous journey! I'm hopeful and excited to find out what this will all be like, how pregnancy will treat me. I simply cannot wait until I can feel the first little flutters of movement in there, and I'm holding my breath until the day the kicks are strong enough for Dan to feel. I'm even looking forward to the big belly and needing new clothes, because it will be my big belly. My big belly full of life. I am in awe. Most of all, I can't wait to meet little Lego and stare into the little face, hypnotized by every tiny sound and movement.
So far, this pregnancy thing doesn't really seem real. Some part of me doesn't believe that it will last, or that in less than a year there will be a real, live, actual baby in my arms. Or that much sooner than that I will be kicked firmly in the ribs by a living creature that is INSIDE MY BODY. Freaky. I can't believe this is happening. To ME.
Now that morning sickness has mostly passed and I'm still not showing, there isn't noticeable proof of a baby in me. The morning sickness was almost a comfort, because it was proof. I've had one appointment so far with the Certified Nurse-Midwives at Swedish Ballard, during which the not-trained-as-an-ultrasound-tech midwifery intern did a quick ultrasound scan and gave us a single printout of something that we are told is a picture of our baby (truthfully, I don't see it) so we do have that. But that doesn't mean that nothing has changed since then. Horror stories of women having their next ultrasound and the heartbeat having disappeared are shoved to the back of my mind to be reviewed during one my weaker moments when I momentarily succumb to the tiny, terrified part of me that is convinced this isn't for real. My next, for real ultrasound performed by a real ultrasound tech, is next week. Maybe after that this will all seem real. And lasting.
It's silly, really. I have no reason to think anything could be wrong and so far I am considered to be at a very low risk for any complications in the pregnancy or with the baby. But the truth is, that tiny part of me rears it's ugly head now and then and I AM afraid. Not just of imminent miscarriage (a phrase I no longer allow myself to google), but of pregnancy itself. I'm afraid of losing control over my body and appetite and experiencing rampant uncontrollable weight gain, while leaking various fluids all over my clothes. I'm afraid of swelling to enormous proportions and being unable to bend over to put my pants on or to fit my engorged feet into anything other than flip flops. I'm afraid of feeling fat, lumbering, and ugly for months on end. The sheer length of pregnancy unnerves me a little- the next 7 or so months stretch ominously before me, full of the mysterious boogeymen of angry red stretch marks appearing suddenly all over my body, of insatiable ravenous hunger, and of Pregnancy Brain causing me to make terrible mistakes like forgetting to show up at work or leaving the stove on and burning down the whole building.
Wow. Take a deep breath and calm down, Kelsey.
I'm really not THAT bad. I'm really not driving myself and Dan to the very brink of sanity with my incessant worry. Okay, so I have some concerns but the truth is they don't actually take up that much of my time.
One thing I'm weirdly not afraid of (so far) is the actual birth itself. I anticipate a healthy, normal birth and I know my body will be able to do it's job when the time comes. I guess I may be a little apprehensive, cause no one likes pain and I want to go natural if I can, but I have a lot of faith in my ability to give birth. My body was made to do it. I trust that if I relax and let my body do it's thing, me and the baby will come through labor and delivery just fine. It comforts me to remember that women have been laboring and birthing for thousands and thousands of years without pain meds or modern intervention, and most of them did fine. I have all that history, plus the benefit of modern medicine on my side. If all those women could do it, so can I.
The real, absolute truth is, I am THRILLED to be pregnant! I absolutely LOVE that I am growing a future person. I feel lovely, lucky, and blessed every day. I feel so proud and lucky to be a woman, capable of this amazing beautiful thing. I know (with my rational mind) that 9 months are little more than a blip in my life, they will fly by and all too soon this phase will end. I'm amazed by this whole process. I'm so curious about this wondrous journey! I'm hopeful and excited to find out what this will all be like, how pregnancy will treat me. I simply cannot wait until I can feel the first little flutters of movement in there, and I'm holding my breath until the day the kicks are strong enough for Dan to feel. I'm even looking forward to the big belly and needing new clothes, because it will be my big belly. My big belly full of life. I am in awe. Most of all, I can't wait to meet little Lego and stare into the little face, hypnotized by every tiny sound and movement.
You're naming your kid Lego??
My dear friend actually thought we were seriously considering Lego as a name. Well, as awesome or misguided as that might be, no. We started calling the baby Lego soon after finding out I was pregnant. Dan, in amazement, said something along the lines of "Wow, your body is so busy! It's building with legos but instead of a castle or pirate ship, it's making a baby"!! I laughed, and the mini Dan or Kelsey has been Lego ever since.
I'm Pregnant
I decided to start this blog in part as a kind of journal or thought recording space, and in part so that my far off loved ones can follow along while I ramble on about whatever pregnancy or baby related thoughts are twirling around my mind lately. I can't promise I will be good about regular updates, but here's to trying!
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