Easter Card Lady, 30 weeks 1 day

When I wear maternity clothes, it's really obvious that I'm pregnant. When I wear big baggy non-maternity clothes or my big coat all buttoned closed, it's not so obvious. In fact, I'm not sure the next door neighbors have noticed yet, because I always seem to have my coat buttoned or be wearing something baggy when I run in to them. In fact, last week one of them suggested to Dan that the four of us go out to a bar sometime. But with the weather getting gradually nicer, I have been wearing more fitted clothing and buttoning my jacket less often. People are noticing.

Everyone loves a pregnant woman.

I catch strangers smiling at my belly fairly often. Now that it's mostly obvious that I'm pregnant I've had a few strangers start talking to me about it. Strangers and acquaintances congratulate me and say things like "I bet you're excited" and ask if it's my first. They also like to ask how far along I am and then make comments about how big or small they think I look. I usually just smile and make nice noises and then continue whatever I had been doing. There was one stranger who bothered me though. This was almost a month ago, and I was in the greeting card section of a drug store with a client. A thin, middle aged woman with dyed blond hair interrupted our search for grandchild-appropriate Easter cards to ask me about my pregnancy. When I told her I was a bit over 6 months, she just couldn't believe it. She went on about how huge I was, and how I looked like I was just going to pop any minute now, and how she just couldn't believe I had about 3 months left to get even bigger, and I must be so uncomfortable. By the time I turned back to the Easter cards I was thoroughly annoyed.

I'm well aware that I look pregnant, and I'm not one of those pregnant woman who is sensitive to comments about the size of her belly. I've been told that I look tiny for how far along I am, and there are people who can't believe I'm this big already and only this far along. I actually had a client tell me that she couldn't believe I wasn't due next week and that I barely look pregnant at all- within a 10 minute time frame. Okay, so most of my clients are senile and have difficulty with memory. My point is, I accept that people are going to make comments and mostly they don't cause me to bat an eye. I do, however, feel that I should remind people that a pregnant woman is still first and foremost, a woman.

Women in America don't generally like people commenting on the size of their body unless it's to acknowledge recent weight loss, and pregnancy is little different for many (most?) women. The main difference between a pregnant woman and a non-pregnant woman is that the pregnant woman expects to be gaining weight, so weight loss or even lack of gain is usually cause for concern (at least, by the time she's far enough along that people can tell she is pregnant). So, commenting on how small a pregnant woman looks can lead to worry that she isn't gaining enough weight, isn't eating enough, or that her baby has something wrong and isn't growing. Comments about how big she is can cause anxiety about gaining too much weight too fast, eating too much junk, the negative impact that could have on the baby, and bring up body image issues about looking fat and bloated instead of pregnant.

Really, the only safe thing you can say to a pregnant woman is "you look amazing".

As I said above, I'm really not the type who is sensitive to size comments. 99% of the comments I have gotten haven't bothered me a bit. Mostly I just feel amused by the variety, from "How do you stay so small?" to "You look like the baby is coming tomorrow!".  I know that me and Lego are healthy and at the size that is just right for us. I also don't suffer from body image issues, so even when I looked more chubby than pregnant I still felt pretty. Rather than feeling fat, I feel beautiful as a pregnant woman. I like my belly more now than I did not pregnant. So if you're worried about having offended me with some size related comment made on a facebook photo, worry no more. You didn't.

That said, don't be Easter Card Lady. Easter Card Lady should have stopped at one size related comment or better yet, have avoided size related comments at all. Easter Card Lady should have realized that pregnant women are often hormonal, moody, and overly sensitive. Easter Card Lady should have told me that I look amazing, and then shut up and gone back to her own business. Easter Card Lady holds the honor of having annoyed me to the point of me writing a blog post explaining why no one should be like her.  Thanks for the inspiration, Easter Card Lady.